Can you be successful and still have time for family and friends?
This topic contains 24 replies, has 13 voices, and was last updated by 
Bruce Hoag 7 years ago.
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I want to know how you make time for everything. How do you run a successful business and still spend quality time with your family and friends? We are not forced to choose, are we?
♥ Coach Claire
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Sean posted in the Email Marketing thread about routines. That will likely be helpful.
Time blocking also helps and knowing when your work hours start and end. I think I will do a blog post about this, because I have been learning about this and when I implement it, it makes my time much more productive.
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If you don’t, you’re not.
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I haven’t had a job in 20 years. I work of course, but not in a job. I think it is funny that my friends and much of my family think I am retired. “Scott doesn’t have a job, he can do it…”
So in my case my time is more flexible. My friends and most of my family don’t know that I may be doing taxes at midnight or updating a website with a new offer before everyone is out of bed in the morning. On the other hand, I can work it out so I am free to pick up my grandson from school or take the grandchildren to a doctor when needed. The rest of the family are paid by the hour and for certain hours. I am paid for results no matter how I get them.
Most of my businesses are offline, but work is work. If anything, I have more flexibility in my online business. I can change a website at 1 am, but I can’t work in my food service business when clients are closed and I am not likely to book a coaching client for 1 am their local time.
I would say like most businesses, that you work hard at first and a lot of hours to start it and then the maintenance is much easier.
Keep an eye on productivity and efficiency. If you don’t watch it you get caught up in busy work. Kind of like how clutter fills the house if you don’t spring clean from time to time.
I stop sometimes and ask if what I am doing has a real pay back, will it advance my goals or is it just busy work?
Like writing this right now…
best,
Scott Hogue CChHScott Hogue CChH
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I’ve read about people who work from home, and who have had to practically put a sign on their door and lock it in order to get it across to the family and the dog that they’re working; just not somewhere else.
What do you do to get people to leave you alone so that you can do what you need to do?
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
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Bruce,
A couple of years ago, I had a piece of paper folded in quarters. Each quarter had a 90-minute block of time written on it. 9:00-10:30 for example. I would unfold and refold it to match the time and stick it under my closed office door so anyone approaching could read it and not just walk in during those times. My wife and son honored it so well that I don’t really need to do it anymore. I just shut the door and get about 80-90% compliance.
Funny, I worked at home for years then got commercial space for 16 years. My wife and son begged me to come back home. Partly because life was pretty quiet there after the three older siblings were married and gone. During those 16 years, we also taught our kids at home and pastored a home church. Home was a major hub of activity.
Five years ago I did move my office back home. The three of us bump into each other a little too much for ideal productivity, but it works about as well as it could. Still, I try to leave the house one day per week, and my wife tutors at the high school for two days per week. It’s a great balance, and we still spend many hours together each week. <3 <3
Mark
All About Health And Healing
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That sounds wonderful, Mark.
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
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The advantage of living on your own is that you don’t have to stop for someone who needs you to stop and help them deal with their issues. When I was married one of the most annoying things was when I was trying to make a meal and I would be asked to help him cope. Part of his problem was he had obsessive compulsive disorder and struggled to accept some things were clean or that something was done well enough for him to stop doing it. Often when he was trying to get ready for a meal he would get tied in a knot. He might be stuck washing his hands or he might be so worried about something not being clean enough that he would want me to stop what I was doing and help him. I struggled with the anger that was generated by my refusal to help so I often ended up switching off the cooker to reduce the likelihood of the meal spoiling and go and help.
I cannot see how anyone can be successfull when they have that kind of wieght hanging around their neck.
Susan
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I have to make myself get up and away from my desk. If my wife wants to talk, I move. If I sit in front of the screen, I’ll be distracted by it.
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That’s a good plan, Don.
Not only are you not distracted, your wife knows that she has your undivided attention.
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
The Mindful Writer - for deep and persuasive copy
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Personally my definition of success includes the freedom to spend time with family and friends. For those millionaires who never see family or enjoy friends, they are not successful in my way of thinking.
Kristin van Tilburg
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I believe it is critical to have balance in your life.
Without it, the reason you’re working in the first place, other than the basic survival needs, gets overlooked.
I know this from personal experience, and if I had it to do over again, I would be much more balanced rather than so work focused.
There are times you must be imbalanced, this is a given. But, this is not something you should do on a long-term basis, as I did.
That is, if you really want to experience the full flavor of life and share the fruits of your labor.
Nowadays, I get up early when my family is asleep and stay up later as needed so as not to cut in to the time they deserve.
It’s tough because I found myself justifying how all this hard work was for them but in the long run it was really about me and my desire to be successful.
At least this is what I discovered and I also discovered that after having all the fancy cars, homes and material things that it really didn’t matter about that stuff.
What mattered was what was inside the home.
My two cents…
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The most successful people make time for that which matters most.
They schedule it into their day.
I know a guy who was the R & D director for an international company who took at 75% pay cut so that he could stay home more to be with his family.
To me, that’s success.
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
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One thing to watch for, though, is “being there, but not being there.” It was once called “quality time.” If I can’t shut down my thinking about work long enough to be there with you … I may as well be at my desk.
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I agree that success is not success when you can’t make time for the people you love and care about. But, as Susan describes, it’s very difficult to be successful when you don’t exactly have your own space and you live with a semi-retired husband. I am a free flowing person when it comes to my time management (yes, my flaw when it comes to business), so it’s difficult for me to set limits with my husband. He doesn’t see me bringing home the bacon quite yet, so he tends to not take the large amount of time that I spend online taking care of business very seriously. At least not yet! If I could finally produce an income, I think then he might begin to take my business activities seriously and see it in our best interest to not constantly interrupt my flow. I love him so much… it is my dream to provide well for the both of us as soon as possible.
♥ Coach Claire
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Claire, it may be that you need to go somewhere else to work during the day.
Coffee shops, hotel lounges, libraries are all possibilities.
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
The Mindful Writer - for deep and persuasive copy
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One thing I’m learning rather quickly is that if you want to have that time available, you need to outsource the trivial tasks that eat up so much of your time. I don’t know of too many people who have made it in this industry who are taking on every single task themselves. I’m sure there are some who do because of the control factor. I think delegating is one of the answers to your question. It’s one of those things that some consider an expense, but those who do it correctly swear that it’s an investment. Just something to think about.
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You’re absolutely right, Bob.
I’ve said it elsewhere in this forum: You have to concentrate on your core business – what you’re selling. When you can afford it, you need to outsource everything that isn’t what you sell.
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
The Mindful Writer - for deep and persuasive copy
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You know, I think that success in one area doesn’t mean it crowds out other areas.
Not having boundaries is what crowds out other areas.
Success at work, when that work is confined to a normal 8 hours, leaves several hours a day for family.
Success with your family leaves plenty of time for work.
Success in your eating habits leads to an improved lifestyle.
Success working out means you have more energy for family and work.
To me, a lot of this is about boundaries . . .work for x hours . . .
family for y hours . .
and so on (and it doesn’t have to be defined by hours, but by quality)
Keep in mind, success at work DOESN’T have to take everything that you have, as long as you have boundaries, and focus on what’s important, not just on what fills up the time bucket.
Sean
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Sean
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It’s not called work/life balance for nothing. 😉
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
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Being a veteran I am use to following a very rigid schedule. I work 60 to 70 hours a week and I have a wife and 7 kids ( one of which is only 7 months old).
I schedule and block time. I do my best. As Tony Horton would say, “Do your best and forget the rest!”
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What branch of the service were you in, Malik?
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
The Mindful Writer - for deep and persuasive copy
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I get that Malik I have five children and have worked though all their growing up. I also have a schedule, but it was a lot more fluid when the kids where young. They can’t wait for food, nappy changing and the like, but I always still did the work.
I think the biggest thing about being successful and still having time for family and friends is knowing what is important and what you are willing to give up.
For example maybe you would give up some nights out with friends (not all) to get the work done, get up earlier or stay up later to work when family is asleep. I was willing to do this, but I always stop work at 3.10pm when the kids came home from school and have family time then. This I never regretted doing and as my last two children (twins) as of tomorrow are finishing their last day of high school in a way I think I will miss this part of our routine.
I believe success doesn’t mean giving them time with family and friend it mean making the time worthwhile and then using your other time more productively. 🙂
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Tina, great thoughts . . .
I submit that I think that each of us has to determine what works for us, in getting work done around family.
You might get more work done in 1 hour behind a closed door or at the coffeeshop than 14 sitting in the hustle and bustle of home.
You might be better off NOT turning the computer on during “family time” and instead relax with the family, but then set aside an hour or 2 a day when you are “off limits”
By having the boundary, your time is respected.
But if your family sees you working 14 hours a day and anytime they ask you something, you are distracted, 2 things occur:
1) they thing your work is consuming you
2) you are not getting much done with all the distraction.You might be able to get MORE done in an hour of scarcity time before they wake up or after they go to bed, or during an hour of locked door office time than in 14 of your current hours.
And please, no one take this to mean to work behind a locked door for hours on end.
Set reasonable boundaries, don’t be distracted with work when spending time with family, and they’ll respect your hour o2 behind closed doors.
Sean
Do you want to learn how to start a coaching program that stabilizes your income and changes lives? If so, visit http://www.AnyoneCanCoach.com
Sean
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Well said, Sean.
One problem that many people have is that they can’t focus on one thing.
They can’t walk down the street without reading or sending texts.
Many of them can’t seem to drive unless they’re doing the same thing.
I’ve seen people sitting in a restaurant together. Instead of talking to each other, all of them have their heads buried in their phones.
I’ve even read of people sending a text to someone else in the same room, rather than getting up, going over, and actually talking to them.
This is understandable if you’re in a quiet area or what you have to say is confidential; but I’d be surprised if everyone was having a confidential conversation all the time, or the only time they did this was in a quiet space.
The simple fact is that most people try to do several things at once.
And if you can break that habit, and give people your with your undivided attention, then it will make your time with them that much more genuine.
When it’s time to work, then turn everything off, and focus on work.
When it’s time to be with your family, then turn off everything that has to do with work.
As you said, know your boundaries and stick to them.
Don’t let work bleed into your family time or vice versa.
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
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