What is holding you back?
This topic contains 20 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by 
Bruce Hoag 6 years, 9 months ago.
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A common problem that IM-ers seem to experience is that for one reason or another, they get stuck.
We’ve all heard Sean talk about this.
I think that we could all benefit by seeing where each of us is stuck.
For one thing, we can probably help each other to get unstuck. That’s because whatever problem you’re having, someone else will have had already and will know how to fix.
The other is that in this business, it’s all too easy to become isolated.
There are times – I know I’ve felt this way – when you think that you’re mentally deficient or something because everyone else seems to be doing what you can’t.
So let’s talk about what is holding us back right now and see if we can’t help each other to get moving again.
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
The Mindful Writer - for deep and persuasive copy1 user thanked author for this post.
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Bruce- I agree that we all get stuck and I think I’ve pretty much figured out what MY problem with that is. It is what Norma talked a little about in another post thinking things had to be perfect before getting them out there. For a long time I had tons of stuff ‘almost’ done but nothing out there and ‘ready’. I’m now past that because I finally decided to just put it out there and tweak it later as I have time.
That’s MY two cents about it and I just bet I’m not the only one with THAT as the biggest problem/issue holding us back. 🙂
If you're looking for a someone to bounce things off of in the IM world, I'm your guy and I really would love to help you out. Helping others is just who I am!
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That’s really interesting, Steve.
On paper, I have a PhD in Organizational Psychology, but those who know me best would say that it was in overthinking and perfectionism. LOL
I’m lots better at “good enough” than I used to be, but it still feels like I’m cheating the customer when I submit a piece of writing that isn’t perfect, or at least perfect according to me.
Actually, that’s probably a significant observation.
What’s perfect to us is different from what is perfect to our clients.
By the way – I just noticed this: Go back into your profile and create the anchor code for the link in your signature. Then the URL will disappear and instead everyone will see the name of your website.
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
The Mindful Writer - for deep and persuasive copy -
What’s holding me back? FEAR. My lifetime has been so full of heartache, failure and disappointment that I fear a repeat. But I’ve just got to put myself out there no matter what. I am so great at doing this in some areas of my life, just not when it will actually make me some money right now. Money is good for me… so I pledge to stop pushing it away.
♥ Coach Claire
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Fear Reversal
Claire,
I know about the fear of failure. It has been a close companion of mine.
I turn it around sometimes. Often it is easier and more useful to redirect an emotion than to eliminate it.I think about and fear what it would mean if I died with my purpose unfulfilled. Not fearing what others might think or the short term outcome, but what if I lived my life and didn’t do the things I dreamed of doing. The things I was meant to do.
When I was a child I had a jar where I put my money from chores I did or money given to me for my birthday and such.
I would go to town and spend some of that money about every week or two when I could go with someone going to town.
I would buy a whistle or a sponge ball or a jump rope or a comic book or some other trinket. I had a little compass I carried everywhere, like I was going to be lost in the jungle at the age of nine and need it.
Sometimes I would be happy with what I had spent my money on and sometimes I would be sad. I soon figured out that candy seldom made it home and I quit buying it. It wasn’t worth the money I spent on it when it was gone and I had nothing to show for it.
Sometimes I wanted my money back, I had spent it poorly.
I know now that there are more days behind me than ahead of me here.
I think of my jar with the money and realize that I am spending my days like that money. Sometimes I am happy with what I spent the day on and sometimes I am not.
I have a jar with a little money in it on my desk to remind me I am spending a day remaining of my life every 24 hours and soon they will all be gone…
and then I am not afraid to act, I am afraid not to act on my dreams and the important things.
Thinking about that jar has got me up in the night more than once to work on something or up before anyone else here is out of bed.
What if it wasn’t failure, but the fear of letting your chances all slip by you feared?
best,
Scott Hogue CChHScott Hogue CChH
Follow me in the "Use What You Learn Challenge" as I create a website using what I learn from Sean that is a Platform for my niche:
http://www.threestepstowealth.comThe thread on this group that explains it:
http://preneurpal.com/forums/topic/own-the-game-and-win-it/#post-17472 users thanked author for this post.
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Claire, we’re all cheering for you. You’ve got this and your business is going to be great! 🙂
Norma Esler
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One of the problems with fear is that it feeds a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You’ve probably heard that you get more of what you focus on. The reason is because the more you look at anything, the more of it you’re able to see, and the more of other things that look like it you can see.
We’re all afraid to a certain extent; but you have to accept that that goes with territory. In fact, employment is based on false security. People get laid-off all the time, and they thought their jobs were secure.
So, don’t focus on what you’re afraid of; but also, don’t interpret your happiness on the basis of the outcome you get. That’s a recipe for depression. Trust me. I’m speaking from personal experience. You don’t recover from clinical depression by “pulling up your socks” so to speak. It can take years to recover, and some people never do.
You can avoid that by focusing on the good you’re doing, and striving to do your best. Then at the end of each day, you can feel good about yourself for achieving that.
It may take a very long time to see the results you want, but if you base your happiness on that, then you’re setting yourself up for more disappointment.
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
The Mindful Writer - for deep and persuasive copy
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I think helping each other get unstuck is a great idea. We all get stuck at times.
The thing that probably prevents me from getting started is just not knowing where to start. We get inundated with so many offers, purchase so many products, and have so much information to sift through, that we don’t know where to start.
I can’t tell you the number of times I would sit at my computer, stare at the monitor, and just think to myself, “Where do I start?”
Ultimately, nothing would get done. What would I do? Go back into one of the multitude of trainings I had purchased and start going through the videos for the 17th time thinking that would give me the clarity I needed.
Did it work? Nope.
Long story short, I think not having someone to answer to has been my biggest sticking point.
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Claire: If you haven’t done so already, you should read Stephen Covey’s book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
The whole book is good, but the first part, where he talks about the Circles of Concern and Influence are the part that I think would help you the most.
What he says is that you get more of what you focus on.
If you focus on your limitations (Concern), then you’ll be able to do less. This is where most people live.
If, on the other hand, you focus on what you can do (Influence), then you’ll be able to do more.
As long as you focus on your fear of getting it wrong, you won’t be able to break out of that habit; and it is a habit.
I have many, many regrets, and it has taken a long time to heal.
I make no apologies for saying that it has been solely by the grace of God that I’ve gotten well.
But I can tell you that your mental health is in jeopardy if you don’t change the habit of dwelling on the past.
I’ve been there, done that, and have the whole closet. 😉
Write down what you can do and then dwell on it.
This will take practice, and you’ll be tempted to go back to your old habit.
But you must break free from it to make progress.
We’re all here to help you do that.
—-Bob: The feeling of being overwhelmed in a way is a good sign. It means that you’re starting to grasp the magnitude of what it takes to start and run a business.
You’re a teacher.
Which of your students learn the most?
Aren’t they the ones who at some point realize how little they know, or how much more they could learn?
The ones that don’t want to learn don’t see the point.
What do you tell your students who are suddenly struck by how much there is to learn, or what all the possible avenues there are?
Don’t you tell them to start where they are?
You might even recommend one or two things to get them started.
Now you need to apply the same approach to you.
I had a professor one time tell me that I couldn’t read everything. (Duh.)
I guess I was trying to.
Do this: Make an inventory of what you know already. Then identify the one thing that you think you need to know to take the next step.
It could well be that simply by getting what you know down on paper that it will become clear what you need to do next.
And that’s all you need to know.
The next step.
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
The Mindful Writer - for deep and persuasive copy4 users thanked author for this post.
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For me it’s definitely feeling of isolation or as I call it the disconnect.
At my job I have interaction with other employees and engineers that I bounce ideas from and I have others who count on me to do my job. My family counts on me to get up every day and go to my job.When I set down to work on my business I have no one to interact with,
(however this community will take care of that issue 👍thank you Sean)
at the moment, no one is counting on me to create products or to help them. And to a certain extent the same as you mentioned in another post Bruce, I am often too comfortable in my current situation (job) even though I complain about the total lack of freedom..
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We all feel that isolation, James.
Funny thing is that we need probably more of it than others in order to do our work.
It’s hard to concentrate when there’s a lot of noise around.
That said, when we’re finished for the day, we want to get out and see people.
So I think one way to mitigate the isolation is to have a plan for spending time with people, especially during the day.
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
The Mindful Writer - for deep and persuasive copy -
I know what I feel called to do and I have wandered around for years wondered how to actually get going with that. In terms of offline activities setting up Safe Haven Crafts was a big breakthrough for me. It helped finally being part of a supportive community. For the previous 8 years I had said I would like to do this and I think it would fit in with your aims and objectives as well will you help me. I then watched fear overwhelm them as they said we cannot do this because it might not work. Their fear actually put some considerable obstacles in my path so instead of helping me they added to the battle of getting things done. In the end I tried doing things bymself but that did not work well either.
Fast forwards to 1st Sunday in Advent 2015 i.e. nearly 2 years ago now. I had moved home to be closer to my family in January 2015 and was beginning to find my feet in Wales, after living in England until then. Myself and one of my new friends bounced ideas off each other then drew someone else in and by Christmas we had the outline idea in place and a supportive community around us. Totally different experience.
Finally I had a prototype in place. Like Sean is finding setting up and running a protptype tells you a lot about yourself and the market you are operating in. This summer I wrote a book that I wished I had been able to read 30 years earlier. The message behind it is we have done this and overcome these obstacles so why are you sitting there doing nothing. It also includes some of the things that we have learnt on our journey and a chapter on craft ideas that can be used even with severely disabled people.
Then I got stuck. I got as far as getting a proof copy from Amazon Create Space. Now the problem has become how do you launch it. There are all these complicated systems with many parts that people use these days to propel books into a place where they can be seen. How on earth do I do all of that, or even just a fraction of it? I have asked a couple of people for support but don’t seem to have the knack of getting influencers to get on board. I have moved out of the area where the supportive community that helped when starting Safe Haven can help me. It is not that they don’t want to be supportive but that they can’t move onto that new stage with me because it is beyond their experience.
It is not the first time when I have tried to do something like this. You can see my first attempt at http://amzn.to/2zuJ6mr no sales, no reviews no endorsements just a lonely book sitting on a shelf. So a waste of time and effort. It is a case of once bitten twice shy.
Then there is the online side of what I am trying to do. Loads of fear and loads of challenges here some of them quite unexpected. This time last year I tried putting together an online summit. Yes scared witless but I was having a go. Then I lost my denture. It only covered on tooth but someone close to me really hates seeing me without it in and that created a challenge for me. The obvious thing was get it replaced. That was the start of an amazing 8 month saga that involved 2 dentists and working my way through two different complaints procedures. Getting a replacement should have taken about a month with fittings etc but it took over six months as they could not make the first one fit so I went to a different dentist and started again. There were loads of letters and phone calls as everything that could go wrong did, even when people were trying hard to do the right thing. If there had been some kind of muddler who was trying to make thing go wrong I cannot see how much more they could have done to drag out this saga.
Problem is as I have worked my way through all Sean’s trainings in an attempt to work out what to do next I cannot escape the idea of having a membership site and launching it with a summit. So I went back to The COB Club and realised that all that needed was a tweak or two and the freebie setting up better. I thought it would be a good idea doing some sample content before completing the sales page just to make sure it was set up. That is when procrastination set in aka following the path of least resistence. The least resistence has so far included
- painting the smallest room in the house
- starting to crochet some scarves for Christmas presents as that is as far as my budget will stretch
- cleaning the house to try and pacify my mum who thinks that I should spend a lot less time playing computers and a lot more time playing house
- watching videos to get ideas about what content to create and how to create it
The excuse I have used for doing things around the house is that it will make it easier to set up the jewelery I have stacked in boxes on the table and invite people around to come and buy it. I have been procrastinating on handing out the invitations for that as well.
In terms of isolation it has not been that bad a week this week. I was at a meeting on Monday night discussing ideas for the upcoming 150th anniversary of our church building. Tuesday I was at Safe Haven. Wednesday mum was here “encouraging” me on Wednesday morning and last night I went to the annual public meeting of the local council where they aim to engage with the local community. This time I got talking to someone about Safe Haven and after a few minutes she adjusted her badge and I realised that she was just the right council official to talk to about it. That was amazing! Thursday (tonight) it is Welsh class. Friday (tomorrow)I am supposed to be helping with the toddler group at church. Saturday it is the last of a series of half day courses I joined in an effort to promote God’s Lily but that I have not been able to gain much of a harvest from. Amazingly I will have seen a living person every day this week. It is not unknown (although admittedly rare) for me to come home from church on a Sunday night and not go out or see anyone until Sunday morning. It only happens when the schools are on holiday and things quieten down. It is what happens when you live on your own and you don’t have a job.
Susan hiding in North Wales
God's Lily is "a voice for those frustrated by the slow progress towards a fair society where the needs of the weakest are met in a way that it strengthens them rather than weakens them further" . If that includes you then hop on over and have a look around. If you like what you see it would be a good idea to sign up to receive our blog broadcasts. Oh and you will get a couple of pdf files that explain the what and why behind the site when
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Susan, when was the last time you had an extended holiday?
Not a couple of days with a Bank Holiday thrown in, but 10 days in a row where you didn’t check your email or work on your business?
In your thorough description, I see someone who has lost her way; someone who doesn’t know why what she’s been working on is important anymore.
It could be that you should consider following a different path.
But you need time away from it all to let your mind relax and to clear your thoughts.
Sean has opened up private messaging if you want to contact me.
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
The Mindful Writer - for deep and persuasive copy-
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Wow, Susan. You’ve been through a lot.
I think that we all have some emotional baggage; some more than others. I, too, carry a lot.
Couple things.
First, don’t wait three weeks to take time off.
Take one full day off every week.
No work, at all.
No work related email, social media, PreneurPal, content or product creation, marketing, or anything else.
It doesn’t matter if you think you need it or not.
You do.
Second thing.
Don’t put a lot of stock in the personality test you took.
I actually know quite a lot about how these things are constructed.
Some are good; some are terrible. But there isn’t a single one out there that is capable to fully describing what makes you, YOU.
And anyone who says otherwise doesn’t know what he/she is talking about.
For my PhD, I created a psychometric.
You’d be amazed at what’s required to create a good one and the limitations that even the best ones have.
And not only that, but the more of these you take, the less objective you’re able to be when you take the next one.
By all means, learn more about yourself; but recognize that your understanding will be a composite of information taken from many different sources.
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
The Mindful Writer - for deep and persuasive copy -
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Hi Susan,
You’ve probably heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What happens is that we become aware of some things, then notice them (to the exclusion of everything else), and then cite them as proof of what we suspected in the first place.
That’s how you need to look at the personality traits identified in that questionnaire.
It’s likely that you have certain propensities. You think in this way, and not that one. You prefer on thing over something else, and so on.
What you must guard against, however, is taking the view that “that’s just how I am.” Because when you do that, what you’re saying is that “I can’t change.” And that’s giving up.
As a matter of interest, which one did you take that you thought was so descriptive?
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
The Mindful Writer - for deep and persuasive copy -
Susan,
I appreciate your honesty in your post. I could relate to some of what you said. I, too, have written a couple of books that are collecting dust on an e-publisher’s website. And I can sooo relate to your “path of least resistance”. I’ve often thought, for example, that if I REALLY want to get motivated to do housework..I should tell myself it’s time to write! 🙂I Use Reviews
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How true that it, Jennifer.
It’s amazing how the most undesirable chores suddenly become attractive when I decide to starting working on the business.
One reason why I think that happens is because we’re not entirely sure what the work we know we need to do looks like.
We can explain it in theory, but when we sit down to do it, we can’t how.
One trick I learned while writing a book was to take the problem I wanted to solve and put it in the form of a question. Not, “What do I want to know?” But something specific to the subject itself.
Then I’d go for a walk.
Usually by the time I’d put the computer in a locker and reached the steps of the library, I knew the answer; but the university town was so nice, I usually went for a walk anyway.
Then I had a different challenge: Remembering the answer for when I got back.
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
The Mindful Writer - for deep and persuasive copy
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I think this is relevant enough for folks who identified what is holding them back, to revisit and ask now, I made the change . . now what . . .
What is now holding you back?
What did you learn from making the adjustment?
Sean
Do you want to learn how to start a coaching program that stabilizes your income and changes lives? If so, visit http://www.AnyoneCanCoach.com
Sean
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Writing books
Sean said this the other day.
You’re first product will be your worst one.
And your first book, though it may be good, won’t be as good as the second.
The third will be better than the first or the second.
The fourth will be better than the first three.
If you’ve written one book and, because it didn’t sell well, have given up, then you need to remind yourself that you’ve quit too early.
Find another topic that you can write a book about, and then write it.
It may take several in order for you to get any traction.
Bruce Hoag PhD
The Internet Marketing Psychologist
The Mindful Writer - for deep and persuasive copy
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